Do You Believe In You?
Did you know that Albert Einstein could not speak until he was four years old and did not read until he was seven? His parents and teachers worried about his mental ability.
Or that Beethoven’s music teacher said about him, “As a composer he is hopeless”? What if young Ludwig believed it?
When Thomas Edison was a young boy, his teachers said he was so stupid he could never learn anything. He once said, “I remember I used to never be able to get along at school. I was always at the foot of my class…my father thought I was stupid, and I almost decided that I was a dunce.” What if young Thomas believed what they said about him?
When F. W. Woolworth was 21, he got a job in a store, but was not allowed to wait on customers because, according to his boss, he “didn’t have enough sense.” I wonder if the boss was around when Woolworth became one of the most successful retailers of his day.
When the sculptor Auguste Rodin was young he had difficulty learning to read and write. Today, we may say he had a learning disability, but his father said of him, “I have an idiot for a son.” His uncle agreed. “He’s uneducable,” he said. What if the boy had doubted his ability to excel?
A newspaper editor once fired Walt Disney because he was thought to have no “good ideas.” The great Italian tenor Enrico Caruso was told by one music teacher, “You can’t sing. You have no voice at all.” And an editor told Louisa May Alcott, just a few years before she wrote the classic novel Little Women, that she was incapable of writing anything that would have popular appeal.
History will long praise each of these famous people, but what became of their critics? Nobody even remembers some of their names, which is all that need be said.
But what if these young people had listened to those critical voices and became discouraged? Where would our world be without the music of Beethoven and Caruso, the art of Rodin, the ideas of Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison, the imagination of Walt Disney or the literary contributions of Louisa May Alcott? As it was so accurately put, “It’s not what you are, it’s what you don’t become that hurts.” (That from Oscar Levant.) What if these people had not become what they were capable becoming, had not done what they actually could have accomplished, just because they were discouraged by people who couldn’t see them for what they were?
We all have potential and, whether you realize it or not, your desire to do or be more than you are is your best indicator of future success. Others may discourage you, but the most important voice to listen to is your own. Do you believe in you?
Still the voices of your critics. Listen intently to your own voice, to the person who knows you best. Then answer these questions: Do you think you should move ahead? How will you feel if you quit pursuing this thing you want to do? And what does your best self advise?
What you hear may change your life.
Human Work Makes For Happy Workers:
It started at the rental car turn-in location.
My friend is a "platinum" member with Hertz-who offers a great benefit I discovered when the rental agencies are a considerable distance from the terminal.
Hertz provided a shuttle bus to the lot for people to pick out their cars. Our shuttle bus driver grinned as she slid into the driver's seat and said she could hardly wait for school to begin. Turns out she's also a school bus driver and with her seniority, she gets to pick her route.
Her passion: autistic children. "I just love 'em," she grinned. "I get them again this year."
Fascinating. Sincere. And difficult.
We stopped to grab a bite of lunch before long flights.
The waitress excitedly nodded when we ordered the cashew chicken sandwich. "It's our new menu. We just got it yesterday.
That's a great choice!" She grinned and gave us a two-thumbs up signal.
I don't know about you, but I rarely get service help excited by a menu.
It was as if SHE personally made the sandwich.
Fascinating. Sincere. And standing on your feet all day-difficult.
At an adjacent Frontier airlines gate, I asked where my plane was and how come no representative was at the gate. "Listen," she laughed, "it's also my gate. I can do amazing things. Watch how quick I get this plane loaded. I'll do the same for yours. You'll see." I did. It's almost 6pm on a Sunday night and folks are cranky and tired. Not my gate attendant. True to her word, she efficiently started the process AND took time to actually read every boarding pass and call the passenger by name. She patted my arm when I went through. "See, Eileen. Told you I could do this."
Fascinating. Sincere. And the job of a gate agent is difficult-very difficult.
My seatmate was a young man, a rotating guidance counselor for grades 6-12 in the Costa Mesa, CA school district. "There aren't many men in my line of work-and particularly men of color," he remarked offhandedly. "DO you like what you do?" I asked. His eyes opened wide and he offered a wide smile. "I love it. I really feel like I am making a difference. So many of these kids have no one to talk to-no one to model the right behavior." He proceeded to tell me a series of stories that would break your heart. "It's when they come back after they leave school that is most rewarding. You just never know if what you say today will suddenly click in years later."
Fascinating. Sincere. And difficult-very, VERY difficult.
In each instance, the joy came from how each connected with another human being.
It was the CONNECTION that made the difference.
Not the money. Not the title. The eyes staring at each other. The hands reaching out to help.
Fascinating. Sincere. And maybe-with deliberate intent we could try it.
Might NOT be all that difficult.
® 2011, McDargh Communications. Publication rights granted to all venues so long as article and by-line are reprinted intact and all links are made live. Keynote speaker and leadership expert Eileen McDargh, CSP, CPAE, is an award-winning business author and a consultant to national and international organizations. Visit http://www.eileenmcdargh.com/books/ to learn more about books by Eileen including My Get Up and Go... Got Up and Went, Gifts from the Mountain - Simple Truths for Life's Complexities and Talk Ain't Cheap... It's Priceless - Connecting in a Disconnected World.
Raise Responsible Children
Copyright (c) 2011 Marvin Marshall, Ed.D.
If you find that disciplining your children and fostering a sense
of responsibility in them is stressful or unsuccessful, the use
of traditional parenting approaches may be the problem. Why?
Because traditional parenting approaches, including using
lectures, rewards, and punishments, rely on external motivators
to change the child’s behavior and aim to obtain obedience and
compliance. But telling young people what to do, rewarding them
if they do as expected, and threatening or punishing them if they
don’t are counterproductive, increase stress, and diminish
strong parent/child relationships.
In fact, whether the approach is telling-based, rewards-based, or
punishment-based, the bottom line is that it’s manipulation,
which is never permanent. All these approaches are something you
do to another person and have little long-lasting effect. This is
in contrast to collaboration (working with a person).
The irony of manipulating behavior is that the more you use it in
an attempt to control children, the less real influence you exert
over them. Clearly, manipulation breeds resentment. In addition,
if children behave because they are forced to behave, the parent
has not really succeeded. True responsibility means behaving
appropriately because children want to, not because they have to.
The challenge for parents is raising a child who will do the
right thing even when there is no threat of punishment, no lure
of a reward, and no lecture before and after the act. So how do
you do that? Following are some parenting techniques you can try
today that don’t use punishments, rewards, or lectures and that
internally motivate children to act responsibly.
* Challenge the Child Every time you try to make children do
something or not do something, the children will likely resist.
Children interpret the request as an attempt to control them, and
no one likes feeling controlled. However, virtually all children
enjoy a good challenge. They like to show off their talents and
prove how good they are at things. So instead of trying to force
a behavior, challenge your children to show responsible behavior.
For example, suppose you have a four-year-old son, and every time
you try to get the family in the car, your son jumps into the
driver’s seat and refuses to move back to his car seat. Rather
than bribe him into the backseat, threaten to take away his
favorite toy, or talk for 30 minutes about why he needs to be
safe in his car seat, offer a challenge. You could say, “I bet
I’m faster. I bet it will take you longer to get into the
backseat and buckle your seatbelt than it will for me lock the
front door and come back to the car.” Then watch how fast the
little one jumps to his car seat.
Young children often know what to do. Having them demonstrate
responsible behavior merely takes some creativity, namely, “What
can I say or do to prompt them in a way that they interpret it as
a challenge rather than an attempt to control them?”
* Put the Child in Charge Everyone likes being in charge of
something, even something small. Adults and children alike need a
sense that something in their world is within their control.
Therefore, if you want your children to exhibit responsible
behavior, put them in charge of the exact behavior you want them
For example, suppose you have a school-aged daughter who is
always getting up from the table during dinner, thereby
disrupting the environment you want to maintain during mealtime.
In this case, think of the exact opposite behavior of what your
daughter is doing and put her in charge of that responsibility.
You could say, “Hanna, I need your help. I want you to be in
charge of having all members of the family remain seated during
dinner. Can you handle this?”
When put in control of something, children will always perform
the appropriate behavior because incongruity (doing the opposite
of what the person is in charge of) is very difficult for young
people. This approach to changing behavior immediately is
foolproof. If it doesn’t work, reflect: Did you think of the
exact opposite? Did you use the exact wording of putting the
person in charge and phrasing the responsibility in positive
* Use Creative Phrasing Rather than scold children or talk down
to them, use creative phrasing with a youngster who has done
something that shouldn’t have been done, has misbehaved, or has
had to suffer the results of a bad choice. For example, you could
say, “I know you didn’t mean for that to happen. What went
This phrasing sends the message that you think highly of the
child regardless of the negative situation and that you know the
child didn’t want to end up with the bad results. It
demonstrates empathy and opens the gate for the young person to
think back over the whole issue without getting defensive.
Make the Responsible Choice As a parent or caregiver, your goal
is to assist children to become responsible, self-reliant,
independent problem solvers; yet, external approaches set up
young people to be dependent upon an external agent. Therefore,
the ultimate goal should not be to have the child obey and keep
parents happy. The ultimate goal is that young people act in a
responsible way because it pays off for them; it is in their own
and others’ best interests. Using the strategies outlined here
will help give your children both roots and wings. You will find
yourself on the parenting journey of raising responsible kids,
with less stress and more enjoyment for everyone involved.
Dr. Marvin Marshall is an American educator, writer, and
lecturer. He is known for his program on discipline and learning,
his landmark book Discipline Without Stress? Punishments or
Rewards – How Teachers and Parents Promote Responsibility and
Learning (http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com/), and his
presentations about his multiple-award winning book Parenting
Without Stress? – How to Raise Responsible Kids While Keeping a
Life of Your Own (http://www.ParentingWithoutStress.com/).
Not everyone has a good grip of science. But these children's
scientific musings at least show a healthy dose of creativity.
To explain nuclear reactions, one young scientist said, "When they
broke open molecules, the found they were only stuffed with atoms.
But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with
Concerning astronomy, one child said, "Most books now say our sun is
a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the
daytime." And another added, "Some people can tell what time it is
by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the
"Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put
the top on," said a young physics student.
"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water," a young chemist said.
Another student offered this advice: "To collect fumes of sulfur,
hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube." (Ouch.)
"Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail,"
reported a budding meteorologist. Another added, "Thunder is a rich
source of loudness."
These young people are just starting a path of life-long learning,
and I applaud their efforts to learn more about the universe.
Scientific illiteracy will not serve us well in the 21st Century.
But I wonder, as they learn more and their grasp on science becomes
firmer, will they still feel awe when they see a falling star? Even
if they are able to describe a rainbow in scientific terms, will
they still be amazed at its incomparable beauty? I hope so.
And what about matters of the heart and the spirit? Not everything
we experience can be measured. How does one measure love and beauty
and faith? I wonder if today's children will also nurture their
hearts as they nurture their minds.
I am not one who feels that a scientific mindset and a spiritual
outlook are incompatible. I appreciate Albert Einstein's thoughts on
the merging of the spirit and science. He called scientific
curiosity "holy." The physicist said, "The most beautiful and most
profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the
sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger,
who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead."
I love science, and I want to learn as much as I can. But as I do, I
still want to wonder and stand rapt in awe before the splendor of
life and the universe. This is a place of holy curiosity; a place
where spirit and science merge. And it's a place where my soul can
be at rest.
Steve Goodier [email protected] is a professional
speaker, consultant and author of numerous books. Visit his site for
more information, or to sign up for his FREE newsletter of Life,
Love and Laughter at http://LifeSupportSystem.com<http://lifesupportsystem.com/>
Being happy is a state of mind. If you make up your mind to always be happy you will live a more enriched life. But how do you remain in a state of happiness? Here are 7 steps to obtain the happy habit.
Some people say it takes less effort to smile than to frown. In other words it is much easy to smile. Smile at every occasion. When someone says hello to you say hello back with a big smile. Of course the smile has to be genuine. You will feel better and you will make the other person feel better about themselves.
2. Be grateful for what you already have.
They say be grateful and thankful for what we have in our lives, and that is so true. Think about all the good things in your life know. Your family, friends life itself. Remind yourself of this everyday.
3. Avoid negative people.
Avoid people with only negative things to say about life. If you talk to them and join in their conversations they will bring you down to their level and you will become one of them, a negative thinker. Associate yourself with happy, positive people and you will feel better for it.
4. Love makes the world go round.
Show you feelings and affections to people you come in contact with. Express your love and friendship at every opportunity.
5. Feel alive – get out and about.
Take regular exercise, even if it is just going for a walk. The fresh air will make you feel alive and you will feel better for it.
6. Make other people happy – pay them a compliment.
If you make other people feel good about themselves you in turn will feel good about yourself. If your wife/husband buys a new outfit say how great they look. If your work colleagues do a good job on a project, tell them. If a sales person gives you good service make a point of telling them you were impressed. Pay compliments at every opportunity and do it with a smile. You will walk away knowing you will have made them feel better about themselves.
They say laughter is the best medicine. Watch your favourite comedy film or comedian and laugh as loud as you like. You will feel better for the experience.
Make a decision now to become a happy person. We all have choices in our life and they are down to your thinking. To be happy is quite simple – just make up your mind to be.
Written by David Mcpherson
via Happiness is in the Mind – 7 Secrets to uncover the Happy Habit – Worthing.UKviews.co.uk.
A humorous story has it that many years ago a soldier was sentenced
to be flogged. As if something hilarious were about to happen, he
chuckled as they led him away and laughed uproariously throughout
When the painful punishment finally ended, the officer in charge
demanded, "What's so funny about a flogging? I don't think it's a
"Why, the joke's on you," smiled the soldier. "I'm the wrong man!"
I know I wouldn't laugh about a flogging, but I'd like to take
myself a little less seriously. Like the Amish man who was driving
his horse-drawn carriage down a modern American street. The Amish,
of course, live and dress simply and shun most modern technology. So
he must have known he cut an odd figure on the busy thoroughfare.
But he had a sense of humor. Affixed to the back of his carriage was
a hand lettered sign that read, "Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on
oats and grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust."
This man may have taken his beliefs seriously. And he may have taken
his work seriously. But he didn't take himself too seriously. I
believe that's key.
I think that comedian Jimmy Durante got it right. Durante was known
for his prominent nose and often referred to it in his comedy
sketches. In a moment of seriousness, he once said, "It dawned on me
that as long as I could laugh, I was safe from the world; and I have
learned since that laughter keeps me safe from myself, too. All of
us have schnozzles that are ridiculous in one way or another; if not
in our faces, then in our characters, minds or habits. When we admit
our schnozzles, instead of defending them, we begin to laugh and the
world laughs with us."
I don't always have the courage to admit my schnozzles; to laugh at
my short-comings. I am something of an expert at hiding them. But I
do know one thing: if I want to laugh at my foibles, there is plenty
of good material at hand. And I also know that when I get better at
it, I'll find myself living a happier and healthier life.
Steve Goodier [email protected] is a professional
speaker, consultant and author of numerous books. Visit his site for
more information, or to sign up for his FREE newsletter of Life,
Love and Laughter at http://LifeSupportSystem.com<http://lifesupportsystem.com
If you run an online community service where others are encouraged to participate with their own thoughts, you’re sure to come across negative comments throughout your blog or forum’s life. While negative comments may be one of your greatest fears as a social media participant, they are a reality. Furthermore, the way that you deal with negative comments can either make or break your online reputation—and the reputation of your business.
Check out the following tips on dealing with negative comments in the online arena:
1. Walk Away
Whatever you do, do not respond to negative comments immediately. Chances are that you’re fairly upset or offended by the comment or comments, and replying while in an emotional state of mind isn’t the best way to deal with negativity on your blog or forum. Instead, give yourself a couple of hours (at the very least) to sit on the negative comment. Then allow yourself to respond.
2. Don’t Ignore the Comments
While it may be tempting to simply ignore the negative comments, this is not the wisest route. By ignoring and/or deleting negative comments, you may be tempting your unsatisfied readers to make a louder outcry on a more public forum. You want to take on the negative comment and see it as an opportunity to work on your customer service skills, if nothing else.
3. Climb into Your Reader’s Shoes
Believe it or not, some negative comments can actually be constructive underneath their offensive surface. Furthermore, this is the Internet. More times than most, things get misconstrued in the online world. Do your best to see your reader’s point of view on the subject at hand. If you’re able to understand their perspective, great! Use this as an opportunity to improve your blog or forum and thank your reader for his/her constructive criticism. If you’re unable to understand their perspective, just write it off.
4. Keep Your Ego in Check
It might be your first instinct to say, “It’s my blog, and I’ll say whatever I want to!” and storm off in a huff. But keep this in mind: it’s a free world. Your readers have all the right in the world to leave negative comments on your forum or blog. It’s your duty to respond to these comments as maturely as possible.
5. Own Up to Your Error
It happens to the best bloggers and writers in the world. Mistakes are made. If a reader’s negative comment is calling you out on an error, and upon double-checking you see that the reader is correct, then it’s time to own up to your mistake. Acknowledge the mistake you made and apologize for the error in either your comments section or as an addendum to the body text.
6. Be Positive
If all else fails, try to be Sunny Sally or Optimistic Owen about the situation. If the reader claims that a fact is incorrect when you know it’s correct, prove your accuracy…but do it nicely! Do your best to see past the negative comment, and do not let it ruin your day.
7. Agree to Disagree
If a reader leaves a particularly nasty comment disagreeing with your view or what you posted, the best you can do is agree to disagree and try to get the discussion onto a more productive topic. Acknowledge the reader’s opinion and thank them for commenting, then ask them something else about their experience. Chances are that they’ll grasp at the opportunity to talk about their opinions some more.
While it’s never fun receiving negative comments on your public forum, it’s something that you’ll most likely have to deal with at one time or another. By following these seven tips, you can ensure that you’re responding with the utmost grace, class, and maturity.
By Julie Donley, RN ~ Success Expert & Author of "Does Change have to be so
When I started my career in health care nearly 20 years ago, I was struck by
the compassion and care with which nurses and other professionals gave of
themselves to their patients. It felt like home to me as I embarked upon my
career as a caring professional.
But I also noticed how unhappy and stressed people were. I noticed that
people who CARE often do not show that same level of compassion to
themselves or to coworkers. In nursing, especially, there was an "eat their
Although today that mentality is changing, it is still a problem. Abuse and
lateral violence continues. There is too much fear and not enough
compassion, empathy, or love and respect for self and others. We CARE, but
that care is not focused on ourselves.
Healthcare is not the only place where lateral violence exists. From
corporate America to the small family business, there are mean, nasty
behaviors that take place on a regular basis meant to humiliate and beat
people down. These behaviors can often also be experienced at home.
It's time to change that.
It's time for us to "Take the Time to C.A.R.E. C" about ourselves and each
other - to change how we operate in health care. "Take the Time" simply
means that we need to take a step back and stop reacting the way we have
done in the past. At that moment when you realize there is a choice as to
how to approach a situation or person, you stop and take the time to
consider new options - to CARE - using the "C.A.R.E." model below.
This model reflects our extraordinary capacity for compassion while
integrating our need as human beings to be treated with respect and
loving-kindness. Using this model every day, we can develop healthy work
environments - and home environments - that nurture the best in ourselves
and each other. Take a moment to consider the acronym C.A.R.E. in order to
improve your relationships - with others and with yourself.
Communicate Clearly. Be direct in your communications. Use the acronym
Vision - express clearly your vision for the department, the shift, your
family, your romantic relationship, etc.
Expectations - people need clear expectations for behavior and for the
delivery of their work. Without expectations, people do whatever they think
they should, which may or may not be acceptable.
Requests - make direct requests for what you need. Teach people to treat you
the way you want to be treated.
Boundaries - express boundaries by telling people clearly what is
unacceptable to you. Teach people to stop doing things that feel bad.
Don't assume that people know how to treat you. They don't. And they
communicate this to you by their behavior. People want to be great - they
just don't know how. By communicating clearly and directly, you teach them.
Appreciate Self and Others. Compliment and praise people freely and
sincerely. Look for the good in others and tell them at every opportunity
how wonderful they are and how much they mean to you. By looking for the
good, you are less likely to judge and put down others. People want to
please, so when you offer sincere praise, they will want to repeat the
behavior. People are generally not accustomed to hearing positive feedback
so make sure your message is heard.
Respect Differences. Each of us comes from different backgrounds, has
different education and brings different perspectives. Be open to exploring
possibilities. When you insist on being right or on having things be your
way, you are not giving others the opportunity to have their own viewpoints.
You essentially take away the individual's right to be themselves. Respect
is the foundation for all relationships. Trust cannot grow without respect.
We need trust to be able to work together to accomplish our goals in meeting
Employ Empathy. Try to understand where the person is coming from. This may
be difficult especially during a conflict, but when you respect that not
everyone had the same upbringing or value infrastructure, you realize that
people behave badly often, not because they are bad people, but because:
* They have poor self-esteem and do not feel good about themselves. If
they did, they would never do anything to disrespect another human being.
* They don't know how to behave differently. This is what they know.
* They are scared. Their poor behavior is a front.
* They have no idea how their behavior impacts others. Most people
By learning to CARE for yourself and others using Communication,
Appreciation, Respect and Empathy, the landscape changes. People start
behaving differently in a caring environment. When people feel safe, they
bring down their walls which hide the best of them; they are more productive
and cooperative. And through your example, they learn to CARE too and like a
virus, it spreads to create productive, enjoyable relationships that nurture
the best of people - including you.
Does Change have to be so H.A.R.D.? Julie Donley, a psychiatric nurse and
author of this much anticipated book on change, was tired of life being SO
hard and went in search of an easier way. What she found was quite
intriguing: "Hard or easy, it's how you think about it!" Want to learn more?
Contact <mailto:[email protected]>
[email protected] to arrange a free 30-minute coaching session
to learn how you too can change a HARD challenge to something EASY. An
addiction and change expert, Julie is named one of the top 100 thought
leaders in her field. She has published hundreds of articles and is author
of several works including Does Change have to be so H.A.R.D.? (available
Feb 2011) and
ringyour-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0976560534> The Journey
Called YOU: A Roadmap to Self-Discovery and Acceptance. Visit
<http://www.NurturingYourSuccess.com> www.NurturingYourSuccess.com to learn
more about her work, sign up for her newsletter or arrange to have her speak
at your next meeting or conference.