by editor | Sep 16, 2012 | Lifestyle
NO STRINGS ATTACHED
How important is it to offer our love, especially to those closest
to us, with no strings attached?
Ernest Hemingway wrote a poignant short story called “The Capital of
the World.” In it he tells about a Spanish father who wants to
reconcile with his son who has run away to Madrid. In order to
locate the boy he takes out this ad in the El Liberal newspaper:
“Paco, meet me at the Hotel Montana at noon on Tuesday. All is
forgiven. Love, Papa.”
Paco is a common name in Spain, and when the father goes to the
square he finds 800 young men named Paco waiting for their fathers.
What drew them to the hotel? As Hemingway tells it, it was the words
“All is forgiven.” I notice that the father did not say, “All WILL
BE forgiven IF you do this or that.” Not, “All WILL BE forgiven WHEN
you do such and such.” He simply says, “All is forgiven.” No strings
attached.
And that’s the hard part – un-attaching the strings. Wiktionary
tells us that the origin of the expression “no strings attached” may
go back to ancient times when documents were written on parchment
that were rolled up and secured with a string. The Babylonian Talmud
in Tractate Bava Metzi’a tells of a man who gives his wife a bill of
divorce on such a parchment, but holds onto the string so that he
can snatch it back, should he choose to do so. The divorce,
therefore, is not considered valid since he will not give it freely.
Similarly, love, forgiveness or friendship that is given with
strings and conditions attached are a sham and not valid, since they
can be snatched back at any time.
An unknown author beautifully portrays the possibilities of
no-strings-attached love in this heartfelt story titled “The Rock.”
“As she grew older her teenage daughter became increasingly
rebellious. It culminated late one night when the police arrested
her daughter for drunk driving. Mom had to go to the police
station to pick her up.
They didn’t speak until the next afternoon.
Mom broke the tension by giving her a small gift- wrapped box.
Her daughter nonchalantly opened it and found a little rock
inside.
She rolled her eyes and said, ‘Cute, Mom, what’s this for?’
‘Read the card,’ Mom instructed.
Her daughter took the card out of the envelope and read it. Tears
started to trickle down her cheeks. She got up and lovingly
hugged her mom as the card fell to the floor.
On the card were these words: ‘This rock is more than 200,000,000
years old. That is how long it will take before I give up on
you.'”
This mother is not saying, “I will love you IF.” Instead she says
that she will love her daughter forever and nothing can change
that. No strings attached.
When we learn to love like that, I think we’ll understand the words
of Emmett Fox, who said, “If you could only love enough, you could
be the most powerful person in the world.”
— Steve Goodier
__________
Find Steve Goodier here:
http://stevegoodier.blogspot.com/.
Newsletter: http://LifeSupportSystem.com.
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by editor | Sep 16, 2012 | Lifestyle
SERENITY IN CHAOS
As an airport skycap checked through a customer at curbside, he
accidentally knocked over the man’s luggage. He quickly collected
the fallen bags and apologized for the mishap. Unappeased, the
traveler burst into an angry tirade, raging and swearing at the
skycap for his clumsiness.
Throughout the traveler’s rant, the baggage handler calmly
apologized and smiled. The livid customer continued to berate the
man, even as he turned away and headed for his gate. Through it all
the baggage handler smiled and remained calm.
The next customer in line witnessed the incident and marveled at the
skycap’s professionalism and self control. “I have never seen such
restraint and humility,” he said. “How do you keep your cool when
somebody is attacking you so viciously?”
“It’s easy,” the skycap answered. “He’s going to London, but his
bags are going to Tokyo.”
I won’t recommend that we use revenge to relieve stress. But let me
tell you about someone who has found a way to go through most of his
life unfazed by the turbulence that affects most people.
He is one of the calmest people I’ve ever known and he describes how
he keeps his cool no matter how turbulent a situation becomes. He
says, “I look at it this way. A traffic jam has no power to make me
angry. It just stops my car. And that’s the way I try to look at
most of what happens to me.” With that philosophy, this guy goes
through life with a serenity I can only envy.
My friend likes to say things like, “A rude customer has no power to
make me angry; he just fusses.” And, “A mistake I made has no power
to make me upset; it’s just a chance to do better.” He shows how we
can truly find calmness in the midst of chaos.
Eminent 20th Century American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr wrote a
short prayer that has been reprinted countless times. Bill Wilson,
co-founder of the support group Alcoholics Anonymous, became
familiar with the prayer about 1941. He edited and adapted it, and
then circulated it with the title “Serenity Prayer.” You are likely
familiar with his version:
* “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.”*
The prayer has been a great help to many hundreds of thousands,
perhaps millions, of people over the years. And the truth of the
matter is that there is much which cannot be changed. We can’t do
anything about this evening’s traffic. Another person’s reaction is
not something we can control. Furthermore, we may have made any
number of mistakes that we probably regret, but they are in the past
and that is something we cannot change. Reliving the past does not
help us change the future.
There’s a certain power in calmness. And those who learn to accept
with serenity that which they cannot change will find power to
change those things they can.
— Steve Goodier
Find Steve Goodier here:
http://stevegoodier.blogspot.com/.
Newsletter: http://LifeSupportSystem.com.
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by editor | Sep 16, 2012 | Lifestyle
Resilient Leaders Learn from Everyone-including DOLPHINS!
Who can resist the constantly “smiling” face of a dolphin whose =
intelligence and acrobatic skill have delighted humans for centuries? =
Whether through the legends of sailors rescued by these marine mammals =
or through frescoes found on the walls of ancient Minoan palaces, humans =
continue to be intrigued by dolphins.=20
I am no exception. Nor is my 13 year-old granddaughter Siena. Together, =
we showed up at the Dolphin Research Center (DRC) where a colony of =
Atlantic bottlenose dolphins call the lagoons of the Gulf of Mexico =
home. Here, DRC researchers and trainers care for dolphins who have to =
come to them because of injuries or because prior captivity deemed them =
“non-releasable.” The Center is a not-for-profit education and research =
facility dedicated to promoting the coexistence between marine mammals =
and humans and the environment we share. Through research and education, =
we begin to understand the world of the dolphin and can study cognition, =
physiology and husbandry.=20
As a management consultant, I became fascinated with the corollary =
between engagement for high performance in order to create a resilient =
organizational life and engagement and high performance in the watery =
world of the dolphin.
To gain the trust and performance of dolphins as well as people, here =
are five lessons we might all do well to remember:
* Know everyone’s name and something unique about each one.
* Set everyone up for success.
* Build skill levels.
* Provide more stimulation for top performers.
* Allow for fun and individuality.
Lesson #1: Know everyone’s name and something unique about each one. At =
DRC, researchers tell dolphins apart by their coloring, their movements, =
and call each by their name. A special shape on a stick is lowered in =
the water and every dolphin knows which one belongs to him or her. =20
In organizations, I’ve observed managers who do not know the names of =
their employees, can’t tell you one thing unique about them, and send =
group messages that don’t take individuality into account. This =
anonymity is compounded in a virtual world. Sadly, that virtual world =
becomes the fallback way of communicating even if the person is sitting =
in the next cubicle.=20
A great manager/leader knows that every virtual team must at least start =
with a face-to-face meeting (or video face-to-face) and a personal =
sharing of more than resume data. A great manager/leader finds ways to =
highlight each person so they feel singularly recognized.
Lesson #2: Set everyone up for success. At DRC, researchers and =
trainers make sure that before asking a dolphin to do something “more”, =
they have allowed the dolphin to be successful in a current task. When =
the new “request” is made, the trainer makes sure that not every element =
is strange and so there’s a modicum of comfort.
In organizations, goals are sometimes changed before employees have a =
chance to experience and celebrate success. The bouncing ball is never =
caught. Frustration results. Likewise, when responding to the demands =
of a changing business world, a great manager/leader makes sure that at =
least some element of prior success is brought into play. For example, =
Apple used the technology of the I-Phone to create and expand into the =
world of the I-Pad.=20
Lessons #3: Build skill levels. At DRC, researchers and trainers break =
apart a task or a research project into smaller components and observe =
dolphins while adding the next step only after seeing successful =
completion of the first. Different dolphins also learn at different =
rates.
In organizations, great managers/leaders don’t expect 100% proficiency =
from the starting gate. Instead, they watch for building blocks of =
performance. By observing and listening for such blocks, a =
manager/leader also knows whether an employee can, in fact, do the =
assigned task. That manager/leader must also know what is the time =
frame for accomplishment. Not everyone is suited for specific tasks. =
Pulling the plug too late can be as dangerous as pulling the plug too =
soon!
Lessons #4: Provide more stimulation for top performers. At DRC, some =
of the dolphins were stronger and quicker than others. Dolphin Tanner =
would become bored if not offered enough stimulation. He loves the =
cognitive challenge of imitating while blindfolded with soft latex cups. =
(International Journal of Comparative Psychology, 23,671-688). Without =
stimulation and challenge, Tanner “checks out” of his work.
Organizationally, humans are no different. Skilled performers become =
bored and apathetic if not invited to explore what might be the next =
growth opportunity. A great manager/leader watches for performers who =
have “checked out”. Increased stimulation might be just the answer.
Lesson #5: Allow for fun and individuality. Dolphin Talon is a =
grandchild of Flipper, one of the stars from the television show by the =
same time. Talon literally squeals with excitement every time he makes =
an incredibly high jump and puts an extra rotation into his flip. =
Dolphin Calusa is a jokester, hiding the target poles so trainers have =
to ask her to go find them. And Molly is my special “dolfriend.” Yes, I =
adopted this 50 year-old older marine mammal with scars from a former =
life under her flippers. She is into accessorizing and has a collection =
of colored scarves that people have brought her!=20
When Siena gave Molly the command to “Bring me a gift,” Molly came back =
with an orange and red silk scarf over her snout. Siena was thrilled. =
We learned this does not happen often. Molly has been known to suddenly =
appear with a scarf over her dorsal, one on her nose, and another on her =
flipper. And to this day, divers who inspect the lagoon have NO idea =
where she hides her accessories!
We are all like the dolphins, wanting to add some color, fun and =
personality into our workday. A great manager/leader makes space for =
humor, laughter, and originality of expression. In fact, it is the =
laughter and spontaneity that keep researchers, trainers, and the many =
volunteers at Dolphin Research Center coming back for more.=20
As we drove back to Miami and our long flight back to California, Siena =
and I realized we had laughed and learned. We watched with wonder. And =
we knew that places like the Dolphin Research Center allowed us to also =
embrace our own humanity.=20
“The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to =
be indifferent to them; that’s the essence of humanity.”=20
– George Bernard Shaw
=A9 2012, McDargh Communications. Publication rights granted to all =
venues so long as article and by-line are reprinted intact and all links =
are made live.
Eileen McDargh is a Hall of Fame professional speaker, management =
consultant, resiliency expert and top thought-leader in leadership. =
Visit The Resilient Spirit at http://www.eileenmcdargh.com to get her =
free quarterly e-zine, read her blog and articles. Read the =
testimonials from hundreds of satisfied clients from all over the globe =
and hire her to keynote at your next meeting or facilitate your next =
retreat.
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by editor | Sep 16, 2012 | Lifestyle
Wood Is Good
Wood is good when it comes to interior design. It’s a look that most of us love and you can’t really go too far wrong with – whatever you choose.
An increasing number of interior designers are going for the all-wood look to create a ski cabin type of feel. But wood is a lot more versatile than many of us think. Of course, it’s just about the most traditional interior design material there is. But it can also look stunningly modern if it’s carefully engineered. And there are an increasing number of companies doing just that all around the world – and doing so from sustainable sources.
Solid oak which has been stored and kiln-dried and is from reputable suppliers and furniture manufactures can look as contemporary as any other material when it’s carefully engineered with clean lines to a contemporary style. And there are many ranges that achieve exactly that kind of look.
If you have a look, for example, at some of the oak desks from Furnishing Homes, you’ll soon see just how modern a material oak can be. It’s the mix of the traditional material with the most contemporary design that gives some of the more modern ranges that unique feel.
It’s also easy to coordinate the look throughout your entire home – no matter how big or small it is. From dining suites to coffee tables, office furniture to bedroom furniture, occasional items and kitchen furnishings – a similar theme throughout your entire home really brings a wonderful feeling of design continuity achieving whatever overall look you’re trying to.
It’s the theme that has overriding importance here. If it’s a theme that complements your home setting – so much the better. But if you love all things modern and contemporary and have mentally written off an all-wooden theme or a motif which includes a lot of wooden furniture, then this may be an oversight; wood is good!
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by editor | Sep 16, 2012 | Lifestyle
Creating The Perfect Guest Room
When you’re setting up a guest bedroom it can be really great to make it a perfect room so that your guests feel pampered and spoiled when staying at your home. And as well as making it nice for other people, revamping a guest bedroom is a nice project as you can usually take the time over the redecorating and furnishing because you won’t need to displace anyone while you do it.
As the guest bedroom is used by a range of different visitors, you should try and pick a theme for the room that suits all tastes – as well as your own. Examples of things to avoid would be decorating the whole room in flowery pinks or with very bold colour choices. Choosing a neutral base for the walls and adding some touches of colour with the curtains and bed linen is a much safer approach – so the guest room is as suitable for your mother in law as it is for a work colleague to stay in.
You can buy furniture from one of the many bedroom furniture collections that retailers now offer. Start off by deciding what kind of style furniture you like. Do you prefer metal bed frames or wooden ones? There’s such a range to choose from that you need to narrow your choices before you start looking. For example, it’s really easy to buy cheap oak beds online, but they don’t all look the same. Some are painted cream or white, with wooden ends, others are waxed and some are stained to a dark rich colour.
A nice touch for a guest room is to have a dressing table. Some bedrooms don’t have room for dressing tables, but in a guest room, wardrobe space is not quite as essential as in your own bedroom, so you could make space for a dressing table and provide a smaller wardrobe instead. A dressing table can be a really nice feature in a room, especially if you choose one that has intricate carving on it, or an interesting mirror on the top. It also adds a touch of luxury to a room, making sure that your guests will have that pampered feeling while they’re staying in your home.
Finishing touches in a guest room are really comfortable bedding and pillows, and a set of towels which coordinate well with the bedroom. The only trouble with making a guest room too nice is that you might find your guests never want to leave! Do you have any tips for the other readers on how to create the perfect guest room?
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