by editor | May 20, 2012 | Lifestyle
Getting Past First Base In The Dating Game
http://www.nsadatingsite.com
This is going to sound cheesy, but I am going to share it with
you anyway.
For years, the first date was the worst part of the dating
process for me and my date.
She and I were often uncomfortable on our first meeting, and it
was a struggle to get through the evening to the point of comfort
between my date and myself.
One of my female friends shared with me an idea that she had come
across years before, and when I tried it for myself, it changed
most of my first dates from a nervous uncomfortable experience
into a fun and engaging evening.
Take Pen And Paper On Your First Date
In most cases, I will have talked to the person I am meeting once
or twice, before we go on the actual “first date”. So, to a
point, we are somewhat comfortable with each other. But, I am
always nervous on that first date anyway, and so is she.
It is not uncommon to be uncomfortable on that first date,
because as human beings, we want the other person to like us, as
much as we think we like them.
It is that fear of rejection that causes the most nervousness on
that first dinner date, and my friend forever changed that
experience for me to the positive, due to what I am about to tell
you right now.
Pen and paper?
Oh yeah…
It never fails. We sit down to order dinner, then we are never
sure where the conversation is going to go next.
When I feel that first twinge of uncertainty in the conversation,
I reach in my pocket and put a pen on the table in front of her.
I let curiosity drive the moment.
She is usually very confused by the ball-point pen, and she looks
at me in a quizzical manner.
I just smile.
Then I reach in my pocket and get a piece of paper. I reach
across the table and put the paper in front of her, then I make
eye contact, and respond to her confusion with another smile.
Then I place pen and paper in front of myself.
Only after I have got my own pen and paper on the table do I
speak.
I usually say, “Humor me. It will be fun.”
She will usually agree.
Then I will say, “I know you have questions, and sometimes it is
easier to put them on paper than it is to ask them in person.”
I will follow that with, “I am pretty sure that there is at
least one question about me that you might be too nervous to ask
me. If so, write it down on the paper, and I will do the same
with the question I have for you that I might be too nervous to
ask.”
Take Notes
Take notice of the reaction offered by the other person.
The body language will say more than the words that come from the
mouth.
I generally see one of three responses from the person I am with:
1) A grunt of dissatisfaction and a roll of the eyes. This means
that very likely, the date will end after dinner, and you will
never see her again.
2) A sparkle in the eye, and she will pick up the pen and begin
to write. This could be very interesting. You will be surprised
at the depth of some of the questions asked.
3) She will push the paper aside and begin to speak. Ah yes…
This one is feisty… She is not easily intimidated, and she
certainly will not be afraid to ask you ANY questions. In this
instance, she will quickly ask the most personal questions that
she could ever think to ask on a first date.
The Point Of This Exercise
As someone on a first date, we are both trying to sell ourselves
to the other person as someone with whom they should want to
spend more of their time.
As someone who has worked in sales, I know that successful sales
people don’t focus on what is in it for themselves, but instead,
they focus on answering all of the questions most important to
the other party, in an effort to help them make a good decision.
The point of this exercise is to open the communication channels,
so that both of you will be willing to dive into those very
important questions that you will need answered to decide if this
dating prospect is right for you.
If at the end of that first date, you have successfully
eliminated someone from your shopping list, you will be ahead of
the game. Most people don’t figure that out that someone is a
bad match until they have gone on two or three dates.
The pen and paper is simply a tool designed to open the
communication channels with the other person.
It is never necessary to actually write anything on your piece of
paper, unless the other person starts writing.
In order to ease the willingness to ask and answer questions, I
always make my first question somewhat silly. My goal with
selecting a humorous or silly first question is to “lessen the
tension” in the conversation and to create a “feeling of fun”
in the experience.
Even if I never go out with her again, I want her to tell her
friends that her date with me “was fun.”
Spice Up Your Love Life With Pen And Paper
Always take two pens and two sheets of paper with you when you go
on a date.
If you never have to use them, that might be a good sign for your
second date.
———————————————————————
Lance Metzger writes about relationships, offline and online
dating. In our minds, “No Strings Attached” simply means,
“Let’s get to know one another before we start making any
commitments to one another.” To explore No Strings Attached
Dating, please visit the NSA Dating Site at:
http://www.nsadatingsite.com/
Consider Lance’s new Kindle book, “Making Memories: Creative
Dating Ideas”: http://raintreepublishing.com/creative-dating-ideas/
by editor | May 19, 2012 | Lifestyle
JUAN OF THE DEAD
DVD Release date: 4th June 2012
DVD RRP: £15.99 Cert: 15
“Hello, Juan of the Dead…We kill your loved ones…!”
Following in the witty and gory footsteps of Shaun of the Dead, comes Cuba’s first full-length horror film, JUAN OF THE DEAD!
JUAN OF THE DEAD tells the blood-drenched tale of a slacker who decides to save Cuba from an invasion of cannibalistic zombies. As the zombies turn Havana into a gory circus of flying limbs and severed heads, the nightly news anchors continue to calmly assert the government line, that the attacks are not the work of the undead but dissidents in the pay of the United States.
Scattered with allusions to traumatic moments in Cuba’s recent history, this is a zombie film with real satirical bite.
For check discs, competitions and further press information please contact
Chris Boyd – 0207 535 7309 / [email protected]
by editor | May 19, 2012 | Lifestyle
PIGGY
DVD Release date: 21st May 2012
DVD RRP: £15.99 Cert: 18
Tough, shocking and utterly compelling, PIGGY is a dark and brutal tale of revenge and retribution on the mean streets of London.
When his brother is murdered Joe (Martin Compston – The Disappearance of Alice Creed, The Damned United) finds solace in an old family friend, Piggy (Paul Anderson – Sherlock Holmes, The Firm, The Sweeney). Piggy helps Joe to cope with his grief, intent on saving him and helping him get justice for his brother’s killing.
But as their friendship grows Joe finds himself in an increasingly dangerous world of violence and revenge. Soon Joe’s life begins to collapse around him as he starts to question who Piggy really is, culminating in a brutal, disastrous climax that will stay with you forever.
With an electrifying performance from Paul Anderson in the title role, PIGGY signals the arrival of director Kieron Hawkes as a major new force in gritty British cinema.
For check discs, competitions and further press information please contact
Chris Boyd – 0207 535 7309 / [email protected]
by editor | May 19, 2012 | Lifestyle
How To Avoid The Pitfalls, Wrong Turns, Broken Hearts Of Online Dating
Copyright (c) 2009-2012 Lance Metzger
As an experienced online dater, I feel qualified to help you avoid
pitfalls, wrong turns, broken hearts, and the general
catastrophes associated with internet wooing.
When you join your first online dating community, you will be
required to fill in personal information. Please be honest. You
are shorter and fatter than you think.
However, you have to be true to yourself too. Do not embellish
your life just because you think that is what the opposite sex
wants to hear. If you create a fake persona, you will regret it
and look like a liar.
Warning: Prepare To Be Overwhelmed!
After signing up, uploading your picture and answering personal
questions, you will be bombarded with images of single people all
wanting to be friends with you. It is a heady experience, but it
isn’t real.
* Think of online dating as “an Ebay for your heart.” Yeah,
there is a lot of stuff on there, but you don’t need it all.
It’s like going to the mall with unlimited credit. Take a deep
breath and remember that these are people, not things to be
purchased.
* Take it slow. Don’t act like the greedy kid in Willie Wonka.
You are way better than that. Remember that the person you pick
to correspond with is also connecting with other people. So, do
yourself a favor and don’t tell all your friends about this
great guy/gal you met. Chances are your new “mate” might not be
around in three days and you will look like a desperate loser.
* Keep in mind that this is a “dating” website and some people
are looking to date many people as possible because, after all,
they paid for it.
* Take your time to correspond and build up a friendship before
you agree to meet someone in person. In the car business,
salespeople encourage you to take a test drive to promote in you
a feeling of “ownership.” If you want a shot at more than just
a string of one time coffee dates, you have to do the same. You
need to become “real” to the person you are interested in.
Write. Text. Whatever. Let your potential partner see you as a
person. Let a friendship grow naturally so when you finally meet
it is with a sense of anticipation, not dread. A date will be
less likely to dump you on the spot if they are eager to meet you
despite your shortcomings, and you will be more likely to
overlook their receding hairline or less-than-perfect abs.
Follow All The Safety Rules
Meet in a public place, let a friend know where you will be, and
don’t give out personal contact information until you are sure
that your date is reasonably trustworthy. Bad things don’t
happen very often, but they do happen.
Don’t believe everything your date tells you. Caveat Emptor –
Buyer Beware.
Be financially savvy. Dating sites are in this for the money.
They offer you the “convenience” of debiting your checking
account or credit card every month. Stay aware of when this
deduction will occur, or even keep a calendar specifically for
this purpose. Cancel your membership if you feel like you have
met someone special and no longer need the service, or if you
feel like this just isn’t working out for you.
Do not let your naysaying friends talk you out of this. In the
past, “computer dating” had a negative connotation; happily, I
believe that is changing. Users now realize that people on a
dating site are busy professionals who don’t like meeting
potential partners in a more traditional way (i.e., bars). The
men aren’t creepy weirdos and the women aren’t chubby
introverts….well, at least, not all of us.
Finally, be realistic. You will never meet the perfect person and
you will never be the perfect person. Relax. Readjust your
expectations and you and your date will have much more fun.
That’s what its all about, isn’t it?
———————————————————————
Lance Metzger writes about relationships, offline and online
dating. Our no-strings-attached dating site has become a popular
online adult dating destination, due to its large membership
base of people looking for relationships of all kinds. Learn
more at: http://www.nsadatingsite.com/
Consider Lance’s new Kindle book, “Making Memories: Creative
Dating Ideas”: http://raintreepublishing.com/creative-dating-ideas/
by editor | May 19, 2012 | Lifestyle
When Commitment Seems A Bit Too Much Trouble
Copyright (c) 2011-2012 Lance Metzger
The nuclear family (man and wife, plus 2.2 kids) is a fantasy
that some people want to chase, and while there is nothing wrong
with that, it is not the right relationship dynamic for some
people.
Divorced And Living Together
My mother divorced my dad in 1985. He remarried in 2000, but she
remains unmarried to this day.
That is not to say that she is alone… In fact, she has been
living with the same fellow since 1989.
If you ask her “when” she plans to marry, she will hurl a load
of angry words in your direction.
But, if you ask her “why” she is not yet married, she will tell
you in no uncertain terms that she will never marry again, and
definitely not to the jerk she is with now. LOL
Her “why” is simple. You “cannot trust a man to keep his word
about anything.” LOL again.
If you ask me, it has nothing to do with whether the men in her
life keep their word about anything. Instead, by staying
unmarried, she is keeping her life simple. And if she and
whomever she is with decide to break the relationship bond, then
not having to get a divorce makes the process much easier and
without complications.
I don’t usually share personal stories about my family with my
readers, but in this case, I made an exception.
I made an exception in this case for two reasons: you probably
will never meet my mother or be able to track her down, AND her
story perfectly demonstrates how relationships can be more
complicated than they appear on the surface.
Divorced and Living Apart, But Still Dating
There is another couple I know, whose kids I went to school with
when I was younger. I have always got on well with them, and we
kept in touch after I grew up.
In their case, they divorced about the same time my parents
divorced — over 25 years ago.
But every time I see them, they are together, on a date.
One day, curiosity got the best of me. I asked them why they
still keep different homes if every time I see them they are
together. She laughed at my question.
The two of them explained that while they enjoy the company of
the other, most of the time, they grate on the other one’s
nerves if they are together too much.
So after 20 years of marriage, 5 years of dating other people,
and 20 more years of dating each other, they have come to the
conclusion that it is best to live in different houses and go on
several dates a week.
When they start to tire of the other, they stop seeing each other
for a little while.
When they are ready to start dating again, the one who broke it
off previously will call the other one on the phone.
After a couple phone calls, they will rekindle their dating
relationship. And I will begin to see them out on the town
together for dinner and such again.
Friends With Benefits
My sister has a relationship very similar to that of my moms.
She and her husband ended their marriage after only twelve years.
I can almost understand the hatred she has for men now, but not
completely.
Yeah, her husband was a jerk of super-hero proportions, but I
could almost understand why he acted in such a vile manner
because she treated him like yesterday’s garbage.
Nevertheless, that marriage was one that was made in hell. And it
ended much later than it should have.
When it all came to its brutal end, he bought tens of thousands
of dollars of stuff in her name, ruining her credit forever. When
the judge decided he needed to give her his car as part of the
settlement, he took out all of the parts necessary for the
vehicle to operate the vehicle.
It took my sister six years to gather all of the parts necessary
to start the vehicle again.
Can I say vicious?
My sister decided that she liked intimacy, but she certainly
wasn’t going to let another man ever “tell her what to do.”
For years, she had several “friends” with whom she carried a
“friends with benefits” relationship.
After several boyfriends, she finally settled down with one poor
chap, who she runs through the ringer regularly.
I cannot tell you how many phone calls I have received, my wife
and my brother have received, from my sister’s current live-in
boyfriend, with him crying on the other end of the line, because
my sister is being mean to him and threatening to end the
relationship.
All I can tell him is to lay down to take the abuse, grow some
balls and stand up to her once in a while, or move on to another
woman who will treat him better. LOL
In his case, I suspect he was much better off when he had a
“friends with benefits” relationship with my sister, instead of
a live-in boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
The Nuclear Family Is Dead
I do say that tongue-in-cheek, because my brother does have a
nuclear-family relationship, with a wife and 3 kids, but he is
the only one left in our family who does.
As far as I am concerned, I am happy to remain a bachelor on the
prowl.
Maybe in a few years, I will grow up and accept the standard
definition of a relationship as a relationship I want in my own
life. But I am almost 40. Sometimes I think that if I haven’t
done it yet, I probably never will.
Just because most people on this earth choose the nuclear-family
relationship does not mean that it is the perfect relationship
dynamic for everyone on the planet.
Let’s face it. Commitment is not the perfect solution for
everyone, and it never will be.
———————————————————————
Lance Metzger writes about relationships, offline and online
dating. In our minds, “No Strings Attached” simply means,
“Let’s get to know one another before we start making any
commitments to one another.” To explore No Strings Attached
Dating, please visit the NSA Dating Site at:
http://www.nsadatingsite.com/
Consider Lance’s new Kindle book, “Making Memories: Creative
Dating Ideas”: http://raintreepublishing.com/creative-dating-ideas/
